I’ve been insecure about my body since I was a pre-teen. Every time I looked in the mirror all I saw was flaws. My mind was constantly focused on the negative aspects of my body, I thought about it 24/7. The walls of my bedroom were covered with photos of my “dream body” or inspirational images of photoshopped models who, honestly, made me feel worse about myself. My body image turned into a toxic obsession.
As I entered high school, I was at a normal weight for a girl my age. Quickly, I lost my friends and found myself falling into a deep depression that would take years to defeat. I desperately tried to keep my depression under wraps by wearing a fake smile everywhere I went. It caught up to me and I found myself having a breakdown on the bus home one day. I went home and asked my mom to take me to the doctor. I gained over one hundred pounds by my senior year and was taking medicine for severe anxiety and depression. High school was hell. I was taunted in the halls by other students who only judged from my appearance, not knowing what their comments would do my self-esteem. Graduation was the best day of my life.
After graduating high school, making new friends and doing things on my own, I realized that things get better. One day I just realized that I have wasted so much time hating myself and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I should be happy. I regret that I spent all my time trying to “diet” and change for the acceptance of others. My body may not be the healthiest and I’ve accepted that, but I will not lock myself away and hide from the bullies. Of course there are times when I still get down about my appearance, it happens to the best of us. I still love myself for who I am, who I was and who I will be.
“Body shaming” has become an easy way for bullies to make others feel horrible about themselves. Trust me, I’ve dealt with it and so have others. The thing is behind every body-shamer is an insecure person. We all have flaws and I have accepted mine. I’m happy with the body I have and I am in love with the person I have become. I have to thank all the body-shamers, because if it wasn’t for you I probably would not be as strong as I am today.
Amy's Plus Sized Life 